“Rapists are basically superheteros.”
Posted on: May 24, 2008
- In: Books | Excerpts | Fiction | Literature | What I'm Reading
- 14 Comments
The only reason I can give for choosing to excerpt this passage rather than any of the more respectable, representative excerpts is because it makes me laugh for about five minutes.
As a rule T. revealed little in the way of personal information, since Fulton did not seem to require it. For Fulton communication was a one-way street. And when, on occasion, T. chose to contribute to the conversation with a brief disclosure of his own, Fulton became bored and changed the subject.
“So my father,” said T. on the way to the racquet club one Wednesday, reclining in the leather passenger seat of Fulton’s Land Cruiser, “used to be an ad executive in Manhattan, but now he mixes drinks at a transvestite bar in Key West.”
“He turned gay?”
“I guess so.”
“Huh,” said Fulton, hunching down and squinting into the side-view mirror. “Did you see that? Asian woman in the Hyundai almost rear-ended me.”
“No. Didn’t see.”
“Asians can’t drive for shit.”
“Might want to keep that insight to yourself.”
“It’s not exactly a secret, T. Damn you’re a rube. Disoriented Orientals. Ring a bell?”
“If the poor woman had rear-ended this car she would have been killed instantly.”
“You gotta watch out, T.,” said Fulton, shaking his head. “That stuff’s in the genes. You could turn homo too.”
“You think so?”
“Watch out for it. If you feel the urge, rent a copy of Anal Alley and have a jerkoff marathon.”
“That’s very helpful.”
“What am I saying? That’s like offering smack to a guy on methadone. Better stay around the front side, T. Avoid the ass region completely.”
“Good tip.”
“Janet’s sister’s church has this deal where they deprogram them. I don’t think it works though.”
“No? Doesn’t work?”
“It’s a boot camp. They tell them man-boy love is the work of Satan. They bring in the straight guys to teach them how to act straight. Like you’re not allowed to smoke, it’s faggy. Then they lock them up in small rooms and yell their heads off at them. ‘Repent, sinners! For the sake of Jesus Christ Our Lord, cast out the homo devil from your butt!’ It’s kind of like hardcore bondage and domination. It’s supposed to scare them straight but I think it actually makes them horny. Some Christian faggots actually hook up there. Serious. It’s basically a dating service for Christian homos.”
“What does Janet’s sister think of that?”
“She put her son in it and he came out with a brand-new assfriend. That’s how she found out the real deal. I have a faggot nephew.
“I didn’t know.”
“No blood relation though. Janet’s side of the family only. My genes are pure hetero. I had a great-grandfather who was a rapist.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah. The guy raped. Rapists are basically superheteros. A rapist is a hetero on steroids.”
“That’s quite a theory you got there.”
“I forgot to tell you, you gotta use the shit racquet today. The titanium’s being restrung.”
From How the Dead Dream by Lydia Millet, Soft Skull Press.
14 Responses to "“Rapists are basically superheteros.”"
May 24, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Well, I exaggerated but I did find it really funny (and my humour can be very sick). It probably works better when you’re in the book from the beginning rather than taken in isolation. (Or not.)
May 24, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Ugh, that gets more of a wearied, tired laugh than anything else.
May 25, 2008 at 8:29 pm
It’s a little embarrassing to admit I found it really funny, right?
May 25, 2008 at 8:45 pm
I posted the excerpt with the comment that it made me laugh for five minutes. Imani — here to publicly embarrass herself so that you don’t have to. You’re welcome.
May 28, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Thanks for reading stuff from the small presses Imani !
Soft Skull is supposed to be edgy, right ?
Armand
May 29, 2008 at 10:34 am
What makes it work (read: funny) is how we get to know enough about Fulton to see he’s not the brightest bulb (yet can see through so-called “de-programming”), so we end up laughing at his absurdity; we’re not finding humor in his claim. It’s the sort of humor deployed in All in the Family against Archie Bunker.
John B., declaimer of the bleedin’ obvious.
May 30, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Soft Skull is indeed edgy, and brilliant and current and also quite super at getting behind its authors 100 percent. If you like this, Imani, you should also check out Matthew Sharpe’s Jamestown (hardcover by Soft Skull, paperback just out by Harcourt).
May 30, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Armand w answered you better than I could since I haven’t read enough from them to say. I have all of the fiction I’ve tried from them so far though — Lydia Millet, Martin Millar and Derek McCormack (my favourite of the bunch).
Hope you like the triangle. 
One of WordPress’ new fun features.
W ahhh, Sharpe’s is another one who I passed by during the publicity blitz. I always end up returning to those authors after the fuss dies down. :p Thanks for recommending him!
John B! I saved your comment from the spam abyss. Hopefully, that won’t happen again. Yes, I say you got it exactly right, and the apex of that scene is when Fulton mentions his great-grandfather’s illustrious reputation. The absurdity leaps off into the unknown there which is probably why I quoted from that particular bit. I always shake my head in wonder when I reread it.
May 20, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I like what you guys are up too. Such clever work and reporting! Carry on the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site
July 6, 2011 at 3:32 am
Taking your feline some sort of Elevated would probably definitely verify Worsley and also turn out great associated with signifying.
May 24, 2008 at 6:02 pm
I’m not sure about laughing for five minutes but I see the humor, rather sick, but it’s there. T plays straight man quite nicely.